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The Sandwich Generation – Stuck in the Middle

Do you find yourself working, caring for your own kids and spouse, your parents, and yourself? That makes you part of the Sandwich Generation. You are not alone—almost half of America’s 40- and 50-year olds are in the same boat.

Most of us have adjusted to balancing children, work, and finding some time for ourselves. But when we add caring for an aging parent, it often becomes too much. And usually, it’s the “me” part that is sacrificed…until you hit burnout.

Here are some ways to leverage your time and resources so you can also take care of yourself.

Enlist Your Kids

Even the smallest child can spend charming one-on-one time with a grandparent. If your parent lives with or near you, they can spend time together in person. If your parent is not near you, they can Skype on the computer, use FaceTime or play multi-player online games. Your children, no matter what their ages, will benefit from spending time with Grandma or Grandpa, they will see how you value and care for aging family members—and you will get some extra time to return phone calls, make dinner, or even catch a quick nap!

Ask About Options at Work

Check with your employer’s human resources department about resources that might be available to you. Depending on how long you expect to be caring for your parent, there may be a multitude of options available to you, including eldercare research and referral services, flex time, even working from home options. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) calls for eligible employees to receive 12 weeks of unpaid job-protected leave. (Private employers with less than 50 employees are exempt.)

Seek Assistance

There are legal and community resources that can help you make the best care and financial decisions for your parent. A local Elder Care attorney can prepare the necessary legal documents and help you maximize your parent’s income, long-term care insurance, and retirement savings, and qualify for VA or Medicaid benefits, if applicable. He/she will also be familiar with various living communities in the area and in-home care agencies. You can also hire someone to review and verify/dispute insurance claims and medical billing.

Find Your “Me” Time

Stress is your biggest enemy and you have to find ways to reduce it. Joining a caregiver group, in person or online, will let you share your questions and frustrations, and learn how other caregivers are coping. Don’t be afraid to ask favors of friends and other relatives, such as picking up your kids while you go to the doctor with your parent. You could also learn to order dinner every now and then without feeling guilty. Learn what you need to maintain your stamina, energy, and positive outlook. That may include regular exercise (a yoga class, walk or run), a weekly outing with friends, or time to read or simply watch TV. If you’d like to discuss your particular situation, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Please contact our New York office or New Jersey office at 732-972-1600.

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